 
Parent
Handout
www.familycenter-pirc.org
A program sponsored by
The Family Center of Utah Valley
Routines & Rituals
“Loving healthy rituals foster the
development of loving, emotionally healthy children.1”
When you were growing up
did the family eat dinner together? Did you go on family vacations? Does
your family get together for holidays? Family routines (such as bedtime,
chores, and dinner time) and family rituals (such as birthdays, Christmas
celebrations, and family reunions) are associated with marital satisfaction,
adolescents' sense of personal identity, academic achievement, children's
health, and stronger family relationships.
Routines
are familiar patterns
and habits on which families rely to manage their daily lives. The goal of
routines is continuity. Routines are essential for young children. Routines
help children learn to tell time and regulate their own internal clocks.
Children discover that after bath time comes story time. They learn to
predict what will happen next, and in doing so, they feel more empowered to
tackle the task. Our brains are pattern-seeking devices. The clearer the
patterns for young children, the more brain-
enriching the
environment.
Rituals
are any repeated, shared activity that has meaning or significance for
family members. The goal of rituals is connection. Rituals create sacred
space designated for togetherness and unity. Rituals are the glue that holds
the family together.
Routines and Rituals:
·
Make a
child's life more stable and predictable
·
Provide security
·
Provide Identity and a sense of who belongs to the family and what is
special about the family.
·
Provides a way to enact values and what we believe and hold dear.
·
Cuts down on toddler power struggles
because predictability helps children learn what to expect.
·
Help toddlers deal with separation by
anticipating events that
repeat daily, like goodbye kisses when you leave for work, followed by hello
hugs when you return.
·
Support all kinds of learning -- physical feats, emotional control and
social behavior.
Children learn by repetition and imitation. Rather than parents trying to
push or prod their
child at
random moments, by doing the same things day in and day out, learning takes
place naturally and organically.
·
Helps parents set clear boundaries and be consistent.
Toddlers constantly test parents' limits, and parents often cave under the
stress, which only makes their children more manipulative. Routines and
rituals helps parents structure situations and lay out expectations ahead of
time
·
Allow everyone to slow down and to make the most mundane moments into
meaningful times of connection.
And if parents slow down and imbue these events with intention ("I will use
bedtime to connect with my child"), they are also teaching their children by
example how to put greater meaning into everyday moments.
·
Helps
protect children from the risks associated with peer pressure, playground
disagreements, death, divorce, single parenting, and remarriage, etc.
Rituals can be
classified by the function or needs they serve in families.
·
Connection rituals
offer everyday opportunity for families to bond, such as family meals,
morning and bedtime routines. They also involve family outings, from small
trips to the ice cream store to major family vacations.
·
Love
rituals focus
on developing one-to-one intimacy and making individual family members feel
special. Make up a song about your child, have a special “tuck-in” time at
bedtime, create a plate for celebrating achievements that the spotlight
child gets to use at dinner, etc. Create couple rituals such as
anniversaries, Valentine’s day, and a weekly date night, etc. Don’t forget
special-person rituals such as birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day,
Grandparents birthdays, and graduation, etc.
·
Community rituals
include a conscious effort to connect with a wider social network than the
family, to both give and gain support. Examples include weddings, school
activities, sports teams, and religious activities. The healthiest families
give to their communities and receive support back in good measure.
Thanksgiving and
Christmas have evolved into a special category of family ritual, involving
all three functions of rituals—connection, love, and community. They are the
grand rituals of the calendar year for the majority of American families.
Parents who create
rituals and routines for their children describe them as an "anchor" for
daily life and for their own values. These events and practices stay with
the child, even as they take developmental leaps and become increasingly
independent. By taking time to perform these rites and thereby slow down the
busy pace of life, rituals not only help us connect, they can make any and
every moment more special.
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Twinkle, Twinkle,
Little Star
Twinkle, twinkle,
little star,
(Place your body at the
same height as the child, stand, kneel or sit.
Hold your child’s hand
and raise them slightly above your heads.
Wiggle your fingers
together to represent the “twinkle” of stars.)
What a wonderful child
you are!
(place hands on child’s
shoulder with the child’s hands on
your shoulders.)
With bright eyes and
nice round cheeks
(Touch the child’s eyes,
then cheeks)
Talented person from
head to feet
(Take the child’s hands
in yours and swing them up
high and sweep them down
low.)
Twinkle, twinkle little
star
(Repeat same as first
line)
What a wonderful child
you are!
(End with a hug.)
On Your Face
One your face you have
a nose.
And way down here you
have ten toes.
Two eyes that blink,
And a head to think.
You have a chin and
very near,
You have two ears to
help you hear,
Arms go high and arms
go low
[Arms go low and arms
go high]
A great big hug to say
hello [to say good-bye].
Sit in front of your
child and touch their body with your
finger as you say the
words to the rhyme. When you touch their
ears, whisper something
like “I Love You”. The last two lines
are changed depending on
if you are using the rhyme for a
hello or good-bye
ritual.
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Story Hand
Play this game when
something wonderful has happened to your child or you want to point out
all the child’s successes.
Tell your child it is
story time. Instead of reading a book, take their hand. Starting with
the Pinky, give the finger a nice massage and say, This little finger
wanted to learn how to ride a two-wheel bike,” (The story will relate to
the child’s life). Go to the next finger and say, “This finger was a
little scared she would fall off.” Continue to the next finger saying,
“But this finger said, ‘I can do it, I just know I can.’” At the index
finger, continue by saying, “So I decided to try and try again.”
Finally, come to the thumb and with excitement have the thumb say, “Did
she/he do it? Did she/he do it?” Then tuck the thumb into the palm of
the child’s hand and say, “No problem. All the fingers knew she/he could
do it all the time.”
This also works to help
children deal with fears. This is a powerful game. Be creative.
Snuggle Time
Sometimes I yell.
Sometimes I hurry.
Sometimes I fuss.
Sometimes I worry.
All is not lost.
Everything is fine.
I love you so much.
Now it’s snuggle time!
This is great for making transitions from a busy time to a snuggle time.
Snuggle time is the time to hold each other, rock in a chair, or read a
book. |
http://www.apa.org,
http://musiconnx.wordpress.com/2007/02/09/routines-and-rituals-are-critical-for-children/,
http://teacher.scholastic.com/professional/childdev/routine.htm,
http://mentalhealth.about.com/cs/familyresources/a/rituals.htm,
1I
Love You Rituals,
Becky Bailey, Ph.D,
The
Intentional Family Simple Rituals to Strengthen Family Ties by
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